I’d like to think that you don’t need someone to think you’re something to actually be something. —-
— You don’t need a boy/girl to think you look nice for you to actually feel or think like you look nice. You don’t need someone to tell you you’re great to be great. You don’t need someone to love you the way you want to be loved for you to think you’re worth being loved that way. You just need to be it and you are.
Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe the desire to be detached from someone’s perception that way detaches you from the person completely. Maybe that fear of intimacy and vulnerability is what strikes you to confusion and eventually, giving up.
Or maybe this is all just a load of bull Im wasting my time doing instead of studying— but it’s what they call catharsis.
After n years of being so sure, of working hard because of the feeling of certainty, I now sign off, raise the white flag and admit to knowing absolutely nothing. To some people, starting over, starting new with maybe someone new makes it all better, easier, more humane. We are after- all social beings. We all get by through one another. But now, one of the things I do know is that there are so many pre-requisites to being with someone. You need to be certain of a lot of things about yourself, about what you want and about what you know, because you will get lost somewhere down the road. And most importantly, you need to be who you want to be, before you can be with someone. Because you need to love yourself before you, your mind and your heart will let someone else love you. Nothing more futile than loving people who wont love themselves.
So here it is. Here’s my apology. Because no matter what fault I throw at you with every reason I gave, the fault is ultimately mine.